I have found it quite difficult to write about the Arsenal lately because inspiration hasn’t been forthcoming. I begin to think that maybe I’ve offended the creative gods by maybe having a roll in the hay with a fair maiden they’ve been keeping for themselves.
Oh well, I’ll have to make do with what logic and reason (my boys ??) offer me.
So to combat the lack of creativity, logic and reason told me to give a voice to the angry Gooner inside me, the one who comes out while watching Arsenal play (neat eh?).
The events that are made mention of here, are not bound by their timely validity because:
“never let the truth come in the way of a good story”
Also, it’ s a joke and should be taken lightly, however if you decide to take it seriously, Angry Gooner can’t be held responsible because he doesn’t care.
Kick-Off: Oh this would be such a drubbing, can’t wait to see us smash this lot.
2 mins: OH SH*TTTTTT! How did this Brazilian fraud hit our bar in the 2nd min???
4 mins: OHHHHHHH Just look at this Chilean midget! Props for flying up for the header tho.
5 mins: Are you watching this? Sublime stuff I tell you, sublime stuff.
7 mins: GOAAAAAAAAAOHSHHH*TTTTTTTT WTF???? How is that even offside?
10 mins: That linesman is such a bastard for raising that stupid flag, Ramsey was too onside, over onside sef! ARGGGGHHHH
13 mins: WTF??? Callum Chambers!!!! THAT TACKLE from Le Coq tho, COQBLOCKED!!!!!!
23 mins: WTF is wrong with Callum Chambers? Is the club owing him a few weeks wages? Why is he channeling his inner Chamberlain?
25 mins: That was a bit uncomfortable to experience, they need to sort out their passing.
38 mins: Just take a look at Bellerin, Spanish plantain!
38 mins: OMFGGGGGGG!!!!!!! HOLY SH*T PETR CECH!!!! SAVEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
38 mins: Brendan Okoro Rodgers, go and sit down. Lipless man!
38 mins: OH F*CCKKKKKKKK!!!! PETR MOTHERF*CKIN’ CECH!!!!!!! YOU ABSOLUTE LEGEND!
44 mins: How did Coutinho do that to Bellerin? Are these kids not getting paid in full? #FAIRWAGESFORTHEKIDS
44 mins: PETR CECCHHHHH!!!!! ARE YOU ALL CECHING THIS OUT???
44 mins: Please this half needs to end already.
45 mins: Thank goodness for that.
HT: These n*ggas!! They better step it up in the second half, we can’t be letting these crap boys from Merseyside be playing us like were some poverty team FFS!
49 mins: We are looking like we are about to step up, nice.
50 mins: WTF????? NEPA!!!!! PHCN!!!!!! B*STARDS! (The Electricity went out. nice, just nice)
*at this point, angry gooner was reading meltdown tweets on twitter and laughing……..we think*
58 mins: FINALLY! NEPAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! (Electricity comes back on)
59 mins: GIROUD!!! Did your village people swear for you?
60 mins: CHILEAN MIDGET!!!! How did you miss that??? We paid Barca in full for you na ?
65 mins: UGHHHHHH!!!! We should be winning by now.
67 mins: I’m holding revival for Giroud, please you all should come through.
69 mins: PEOPLE!!!! We need this revival to happen ASAP if we aren’t signing Benzema!!!
71 mins: AAAAAARRRRRROOOOOONNNNNNN!!!! KILL SOMEBODY PLEASE!
71 mins: What is wrong with this idiot between the sticks for Liverpool? Forming I’ll have a blinder today because it’s Arsenal! GET RIGHT OFF!
80 mins: BELLERIN!!! But Coutinho is not Ronaldo or Messi na, why are you falling my hand? #FAIRWAGESFORTHEKIDS
83 mins: OXLADE BABY!!!!! What a run! Skrtel why are you acting like you don’t score own goals no more? URGGH!
84 mins: Chamberlain you IDIOTTTT! Is that how they shoot? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle!!! ?
85 mins: It’s clearly not the night of the midgets, just look at that Spanish one Cazrola.
94 mins: OHHHHHH CHAMBERLAIN!!!! F*CK YOU MIGNOCUNT!
94 mins: AHHHHH GABRIEL!!! If only your teeth were not as big, maybe you’d be able to hit the target with your head. NONSENSE!
And thus, a new character was created, an along with it a new series of blog posts. Now it’s just the little task of finding a name for Angry Gooner because I think he wants one. I’ll let the people pick one for him.
Until next time, when Arsenal frustrate enough to unleash the Angry Gooner (a’la Hulk ?)