Oh na na, what’s my name? | Photo Credits: Yahoo/Reuters

Much to my dismay and hopefully, yours, Bayern ‘Munch-en’ Munich have won the Champions League Final. A grand finale it was; and no, Bayern didn’t necessarily play better than Dortmund. In my opinion, I figure what Bayern had over Dortmund was experience. Mario Mandzukic scored first and Robben made it two cancelling Gundogan’s penalty.

Most Arsenal fans supported Dortmund for obvious reasons; Bayern kicked us out the Champions League despite us whipping them in their own backyard plus, they’re basically a team on steroids. Yahoo

In other news, two atrociously irritating individuals – Judas-is-van Persie and Piers Morgan – show their immaturity and the reason they still wear diapers. Daily Mail

Judas sends irritant (Morgan) a mail containing a picture of him kissing the EPL trophy *raised eyebrow*

Nothing much happening today except unconfirmed transfer rumours I don’t want to bore you with.

Till Soon,#

Mister Spruce

The post Annoyingly, Bayern Munich Wins Champions League Final appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

Kitbag have just launched free worldwide standard delivery on all orders over £50. This offer will expire at 2pm on Tuesday the 28th of May.

New Football Kit Launches

We now have the following 2013/14 Football kits on sale or pre-order

*Please note that these links are affiliate links and this site will make a tiny commission if you buy through them. This helps us keep the site running.*

• Nike England Home Kit

• Manchester City Home Kit 2013/14

• Barcelona Home Kit 2013/14

• AC Milan Third Shirt 2013/14

• Newcastle United Away Kit 2013/14

Now Kitbag, we’re hoping you’ll bring us the Arsenal kit as soon as it’s out of the kitchen.

The post Free Worldwide Delivery on New Football Kit Launches appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

Enjoy this video by @Slim Swaidy

The post Arsenal FC’s Special Moments 2012/13 appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

Tongue out everyone, taste 4th place! Photo Credits|The Telegraph/Getty Images

We saved face. And don’t get me wrong, we did just enough to ‘save face’.

I’m happy we won but, I celebrated more out of relief that we might be able to sign certain players who only want Champions League football than the fact that we came 4th and beat Sp*ds.

It’s a bit of an embarrassment that a team that gave Ferguman a pain is now content (almost) with fourth place and we have our manager claiming it like it’s a right or a trophy even.

We started playing like a top side by the start of February and I believe this was due to the fact that the team needed time to gel. I feel we should take a cue from Barcelona and Manchester United and not go on a buying spree; three quality players is enough, it will help us shorten the ‘gel-ability’ time frame.

That being said, I’m looking forward to better things next season, we have to break this jinx of placing our luck on some other team to flop just so we can stay alive.

BREAKING: Arsenal FC confirm they will hold on open-top bus parade around London tomorrow, to celebrate achieving 4th spot.

— BBC Sporf (@BBCSporf) May 19, 2013

_____

In other news, Sp*ds… yes, Sp*ds again are rumoured to have David Villa on their target list. I would take Villa over Yaya Sir-no-go (Sa-no-go) only because he’s a proven goal scorer and has had big game experience Sanago doesn’t. Other than that, they are both injury prone and well, injury prone.

The club with the fickle, tantrum throwing owner are also after Andre Schurrle; I thought we were after that dude? Like I said, we SHOULD spend premium money on 3 top players, we can’t be letting gold pass us by and then we buy rocks like Chamakh at premium rates.

I read an article in a newspaper some days ago which stated that it’s not that Arsenal have not spent any money, it’s just that we’ve spent too much money on average players.

The writer pointed out that Kompany was Arsenal’s kind of buy (£6m) but we didn’t get him, he went further to state several  other examples I cannot remember at this point.

He also mentioned that Wenger had turned from Le Professeur to Mad Scientist as he has moved away from the sturdy, strong and fast players we used to have (Viera, Henry, Wiltord, Silva, Edu) to regular players who can be intimidated.

Although some of what he said was true, I would like to refer him to Ramsey, Wilshere and Kosc now though, they might not be as big and strong but they’re willing to put up a fight.

Till soon.

Yours in football,

Mister Spruce

The post Arsenal Saves Face|Some Transfer News|An Article I Read appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

The post Best Odds: Arsenal v Wigan appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

Andrew Weitz is an entertainment agent who’s not afraid to be termed ‘Dandy’. Different from the crowd, he gives Mr Porter a sneak peak on the way he dresses.

He urges you to take risks and enjoy yourself and your style, ain’t no harm in doing that, is there?

The post Don’t Be Afraid – Andrew Weitz appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

I Monsieur Spruce who had been conferred with the title of the Chancellor of the Order of the Cannon had been struck with the great illness of food poisoning.  Ah! The pain and the torture my fragile gastronomy endured! The Sorcerer refused that I tell you the end of him, nay! I refused that I must not tell the end of him.

Now, where did I stop-est…

And so Judas-is-van Persie’s cloak was left to dry in the cloak room apportioned to the henchmen of Old Trafford. The henchmen arrived at the gates of  Arsenalia…

Sorcerer Ferguman: Open up the gates, let the wily, old sorcerer come in!

Henchman Roo: Open up the gates ye scum!

Lord Artets: Watch it Roo before I shave off your borrowed goldi-lock hair. And no, I won’t be lending you any of mine, it won’t suit the colour of your eyes.

*Henchman Roo’s red in the face*

Sorcerer Ferguman: Open I say! The weather’s a-blistering this side of ol’ Britannia, I perspire greatly!

Duke Wenger: Open up for him Artets, we’ve reached a truce. They control most of Britannia now so we have to pay them taxes via the means of that Guard of Honour thing.

*Gates open*

Sorcerer Ferguman: Quickly! To the Cloak room! Wenger (with a smirk), do get that Guard of Honour pumpkin.

Duke Wenger: *Muttering*  This evil will be the death of me!

In the cloak room

Sorcerer Ferguman: Yes boys! we run  this town! We run Britannia!

Henchmen: Yes!

Sorcerer Ferguman: Ah! But Arsenalia is bleeding hot! I need-eth something to wipeth my face of this perspiring…

Looks to Judas-is-van Persie 

Sorcerer Ferguman: Bring that!

Ferguman takes Judas-is-van Persie’s cloak… and wipes his facial perspiration with it… S*!t (Ofcourse you know what happened to the cloak)

Henchman Giggs: Your great evilness, alas, van Persie can no longer adorn the perspiration stained cloak. It will speak not well of the Kingdom of Old Traffordshire.

Sorcerer Ferguman: Then let him go without!

Judas is van Persie: But, but…

Sorcerer Ferguman: Silence! Imp.

Now, during the ceremony of the Guard  of Honour…

Sorcerer Ferguman: *Thinking* Why do I feel my face and neck are starting to act funny? *He starts to itch*

Lord Wilshere: is it just me, or is willy old evilness pulling some moves?

Lord Walcott: Oh My Friggin’ Bergkamps!!!

The rest of the Knights: What? What? Lord Theo!? What is it?

Lord Walcott: He’s being attacked by the side effects of devil beans! Oh dear, his face will never be the same…

And all the Knights looked up to my wee cosy tower and smiled…

Sorcerer Ferguman: Heeelp! Heeelp! My face is on fire! It itches! No it’s on fire again! it’s…. Heeeelp!!! van Persie! you’ll pay for this!

Judas-is-van Persie: huh? What did I do this time?

And the evil sorcerer ran amok, leaving his henchmen behind..

Henchman Ferdinand: Run after him, take him to the witches of the Glazer, they might have a remedy for this!

And that is why to this day, the sorcerer Ferguman has a red pinched face.

_____

In the province of Queens Park Rogues (QPR), Ol’ Harry planned to upstage the ceremony of the Guard of Honour. Why? I honestly do-eth not know-eth. Anyway, he and his men cornered the Duke and his knights as they strolled back to the Emiratia after the seeing the henchmen and their sorcerer off to the witches of the Glazer for healing.

The Rogues were no match for the strolling Knights of Arsenalia. Already irritated by the fact that they had to pay dues to the henchmen of Old Traffordshire, Lord Theo alone sped past them with lightning quickness and decapitated the rogue footsoldiers in 20 seconds. 

Watch QPR as the hand and Theo as the Kung Fu dude

The End

Meanwhile…

Behind closed doors in coven of the Glazers…

Witch Glazer 1: Hehehehe! Sorcerer! My crystal ball tells me that your time of unbridled power has but come to an end.

Sorcerer Ferguman: *Riddled with pain* Noooo! How can that be?

Witch Glazer 2: The stars have aligned another to take your place. A man who doesn’t chew Wrigley’s.

Witch Glazer 1: A man who we can control and who doesn’t use Old Trafforshire’s gold to buy ice lollies for referees.

Sorcerer Ferguman: Woe is me! Woe is me…

Witch Glazer 1: We shall send you far, far away where chewing gum would be a luxury and toilet paper a distant dream to you. We’ll however allow you  visit once every 10 full moons.

Sorcerer Ferguman: Nooooo! This cannot be happening!!!

Judas is van Persie rushes in…

Judas-is-van Persie: my lord and master, your most horrible ugliness… I overheard all that was said. Please don’t go, don’t go ooo ooo ooo. please don’t go.

All: Oh Shatap!!!

Judas-is-van Persie: but, but… I’ve told everyone that I look forward to enjoying more years under your ruthless rulership. I’ll be the laughing stock of all Arsenalia!

Witch Glazer 2: And because you have interrupted our ministration with Ferguman, I cast upon you the spell of white hair forever!

Judas-is-van Persie: Nooooooooooo!

And that is why to this day, Judas-is van Persie has and will forever have white hair.

Witch Glazer 1: and to you Sorcerer, we send you to the land of those with no chewing gum and referees and the big, round ball chased by 20 men across a field. And you reside therein as long as we deem fit.

Sorcerer Fergie: Neveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr!!!!

Zap!

And he was gone.

The post Chronicles of the Cannon: The Sorcerer’s End Act 10 appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

“Arsene Wenger could leave Arsenal for Paris Saint-Germain this summer, according to a report from the Daily Telegraph’s Paul Hayward. Hayward, the Telegraph’s chief sports writer, is widely respected among sports journalists, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the report is worthy of our full trust.”  Bleacher Report

Amidst rumours hopping around the internet that Wenger favours a move to PSG after his contract ends in 2014, we’re still left with the conundrum of what players to bolster the team with and which players we are in fact courting or plan to court in the coming transfer window.

Several names have cropped up, breezed past, sneaked in…y’all know what I mean. So, to save us valuable time, I’ll stick to the names that stick out like a sore thumb.

We dream and hope and pray that some these names one day get printed on the back of an Arsenal jersey but what’s the probability of them coming to the Emirates? In reality, it’s a 5:1; here’s what I mean :

Err, I doubt this one; let me explain… Photo Credits|Guardian.co.uk

Iker Casillas

“Arsenal may need some better competition for Wojciech Szczesny, but it certainly won’t come in the form of two-time European Championship winner and one-time World Cup winner.” Bleacher Report

The questions I ask:

Can we afford him? 

I don’t think so. I mean realistically, we can but ideally, we cannot. Casillas earns about 6 million euros a year with a buyout clause of £113m . Even if his buyout clause is swept under the rug, he won’t cost anything less than £25m; to me, that’s too much for a goalkeeper when we have to bolster our attack and defence.

Is he open to a move? aka Is he feeling the Emirates?

Again, I doubt this. Here’s why:

“…but Casillas himself stated that he “had no intention of leaving” his boyhood club.” Wikipedia

Yeah, I know what you’re about to say. Footballers have no allegiance these days, they move ship once the ‘little boy inside them’ tells them to; however, Casillas is a bit like Messi, Real Madrid has been his only club since his teens. The dude’s 31, get the point?

Okay, what if we could just about afford to splurge on Casillas, and what if he just listened to the ‘little boy inside him’; would we be willing to adjust our wage structure to accommodate his £125,000 a week?

The Arsenal we know? Nope. It ain’t happening. You know this, I know this even Al Pacino knows this.

Do we need Champions League football to bag him?

Is the sky blue?

Will his presence in the first team affect Szczesny and Fabianski?

It depends. It definitely would affect them but it could go either ways. Both could draw from his wealth of experience or both could rot on the bench and seek first team football elsewhere.

VERDICT: Not to buy because, well, we don’t splurge like that.

Photo Credits|Caught Offside

Stevan Jovetic

“The 23 year old ticks a lot of Arsene Wenger ‘boxes’. He’s young, comfortable on the ball, adaptable and a well known player who is still to become a ‘household’ name.” Caughtoffside

The questions I ask:

Can we afford him? 

Although Fiorentina have not come out with a definite price tag on the wee lad, Adele says he might cost about £25m+. However, just ‘cuz she said it, don’t mean that she meant it just ‘cuz you heard it on this blog. People say crazy things…

What I mean is, Arsenal can afford him IF £25m is his price tag, only…

Is Uncle Arsene willing to spend that much?

I dunno. And so does everybody else.

Is Jovetic open to a move?

Jovetic has not released a ‘Come-get-me’ plea like Jose Mourinho but everyone knows we’re a classy club (albeit trophy-less for 9 years). Plus having Arsenal on your football CV kinda opens you up to better stuff, more money, bigger clubs…  Thierry Henry, Fabregas, Cashley Cole, Judas-is-van Persie, Kolo Toure; the list goes on (Ouch) He HAS to be open to a move.

Do we need Champions League football to bag him?

Most likely.

Will his presence bolster our attack?

Do you like mince pies?

VERDICT: To buy. We need to splurge like that.

Yup, that’s the dude.

Etienne Capoue

“Arsenal’s lengthy search for a defensive midfielder could well eventually lead to the Toulouse battler and it’s perhaps a deal that is long overdue.” Caughtoffside

Again, the questions:

Can we afford him? 

Yes, yes, yes! Apparently, the dude is worth £10m or thereabouts. That shouldn’t dent our kitty much.

Is Uncle Arsene willing to spend that much?

Yes again. You know Uncle Wenger lives for these kind of deals. It’s a bargain, and, if he could, he’d beat the price down to £20,000 just for the sake of it.

Is he open to a move? aka Is he feeling the Emirates?

He said:

“There have been contacts with Paris Saint-Germain this year. I’m a big fan of PSG and to play (there) would be a dream.” Here is the city

We don’t need players with no passion for the Cannon, like, literally. You can hardly give your all when your heart is elsewhere, ask Fabregas.

Do we need him in our midfield?

We need his kind of quality maybe better but, he’s not interested so…

VERDICT: Err… I’m still undecided on this one.

What he can do… Photo credits|Caught Offside

Loic Remy

“He hasn’t lost faith in Olivier Giroud and may think that a big money signing could lead to the former Montpellier man losing confidence whilst a move to bring in a player like Remy could help drive him on to succeed.”

Can we afford him? 

His buyout clause is £8m.  Aaaah, you can see that Wenger smile; coy, with no teeth showing *wink*

Is Uncle Arsene willing to spend that much?

We should ask if he’s ready to spend less… you know what I mean.

Is he open to a move? aka Is he feeling the Emirates?

He doesn’t seem to have said anything. I guess he’s just watching things as they unfold, besides Liverpool, Spu*ds and Everton are also after his servies; We’ll have to wait and see.

Do we need him in our attack?

We need a proper striker, simple. A proven goal scorer, even better.

VERDICT: To buy; as back-up.

Who are you hiding from Cescy? Photo Credits|Caught Offside

Cesc Fabregas

“For Arsenal fans the heart may say ‘Yes’ but the head almost certainly shouts out ‘No’.” Caught Offside

Can we afford him? 

Err… let me put it this way: Can Luis Suarez stop being such an embarrassment? *silence* I thought so.

Is Uncle Arsene willing to spend that much?

I choose to answer this with another question: Is Wenger going to stop wearing ‘The Coat’? And fat ties?

Is he open to a move? aka Is he feeling the Emirates?

“…however Fabregas knows full well that he is being groomed to take over from Xavi and it seems highly unlikely he would consider a return back to Arsenal because to do so would mean admitting defeat.” Caught Offside

It might break your hearts, but I won’t be surprised if the lil’ man wanted to be no gooner no mo’.

VERDICT: Don’t bother brother.

The post Arsenal Transfers: To Buy or Not to Buy appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

Chronicles of the Cannon 

Scene 1, Scene 2, Scene 3, Act 4, Act 5, Act 6, Act 7, Act 8

______

The Duke and his men travelled to Fulham. It was only a few miles away. The fumblers of Fulham already heard word about the Arsenalian army approaching…

Chief Fumbler Jol: Aye! The army of the Ashburtonshire dude approach-eth!

The fumblers of Fulham fought, yes, they did fight hard.

And in the heat of the battle, Lord Giroud sees his chest hair was a bit out of place. So he tells his armour bearer to hold up his shiny, mirrored shield so he can put it right back in place…

Lord Giroud: Amour bearer dude, move the shield a bit to the left…no, that’s too far left, move it a bit to the right…yes… Hmm…seems my man-boobs look bigger than they are in this mirror, I have to stop eating Madame Rene’s soufflé.

Lord Artets fighting turns around to see Lord Giroud checking out his biceps in the reflection of his shield…

Lord Artets: What the… Lord Giroud!!! We’re in the heat of battle and you check your muscles!?!!

Now, Lord Giroud, ashamed, fidgets and his sword falls on his right foot. Ouch! He sees red and bleed-hops to the infirmary.

_____

Lord Wilshere: Lord Mert (hyperventilating) thank you brother…thank you for saving the day. Never again will I call you a humourless giant of a German.

Lord Mert: Goot, goot.

Lord Walcott: What has become of the rest of the fumblers?

Lord Wilshere: They’ve run behind their walls and locked the gates of the Craven Cottage.

-Aside-

Forgive my ignorance but for the first time, I checked the synonyms associated with the word – Craven; here goes – cowardly, gutless, spineless, weak, fearful and lily-livered… err…so why would you name your palace craven cottage?

-End of Aside-

Lord Artets: We’ll take that as victory then. They’ll start to pay their taxes once more.

Duke Wenger: Very well, let’s head back home.

And as they approach the palace Emiratia, they see that there’s an on-going preparation for a ceremony…

Duke Wenger: What is this I see?

Lord Artets: Si, what celebration is this for?

They enter the palace… Lord Ox’s face is grim.

Lord Wilshere: Ox, what’s the matter? What’s celebration are we preparing for? Is it our victory against the fumblers of Fulham?

Lord Ox: No Jack, it’s the King. He says Arsenalia is to confer on our former brother Judas-is-van Persie and the sorcerer’s henchmen the title of ‘Guard of Honour’.

All the Knights: What the…!

Lord Ox: My thoughts exactly.

Lord Santi: (Almost in tears) Puedes por favour explicar esto? Can you please explain this? Are you Arsenalians…how they say…nuts?

The Duke is silent

Lord Artets: Duke, say something! I’m not going to stand for this, not one bit of my perfectly gelled hair would stand up for this!

Duke Wenger: (Unsmiling). It’s tradition. There’s nothing we can do about it. When the province with the most power and control visits Arsenalia, it is gifted the Guard of Honour.

Lord Gerv: Whot! Jost becoz dey hav pahwah dohzent mayk it good tradishon. (What! Just because they have power doesn’t make it good tradition). In Africa, the killing of twins was tradition, now it’s been scrapped, if you get what I mean…

Duke Wenger: Hmm…

And all eyes turned to the tower from whence I write the Chronicles I deliver unto thee weekly.

I, Monsieur Spruce, who had been conferred the title of the Chancellor of the Order of the Cannon, took it upon myself to make the scumbag pay. If you can’t beat all, beat some. More precisely, beat one.

He would not leave our walls with a silly smile upon his slimy – sorcerer pinched face. I  made sure of that.

The temporary foolishness of tradition sought to be upheld by the sheer naivety of our King go-est not forth without consequences and repercussions.

I had with me some devil beans, worse than poison ivy. *Evil grin*

I snuck into the room which held the cloak of the Guard of Honour set for Judas-is-van Persie (In my chronicles, the guard of honour involves robbing the soldiers of the most powerful province, and no, I do not care one bit that I’m cooking this part up).

Armed with a bucket of devil beans soaked in hot water, I dipped the cloak right into that bucket and left it to set. I sat, waiting patiently. An hour later, I removed the cloak not with my bare hands, never! Insane, I’m not. I leave the cloak to dry.

Now, the ceremony requires the scum to pick up the cloak from the mantle which I kept it, tie it around his neck and tuck them into his breeches…

*Evil grin*

Oh, how he would itch.

_____

Want to know what happened next? Watch this space…

Thanks for reading guys. Please do leave your comments and don’t forget to follow @Misterspruce1.

The post Chronicles of the Cannon: Gall at the End Part 1 Act 9 appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.

Since I moved to a much warmer climate… did I say warmer climate? I meant, since I moved to a smouldering climate, dressing up for me has been a tad simpler, colourful but on a sad note, boring. I say boring because I don’t get to layer and I love layering *sigh*

However, I stumbled upon a label which added some sugar and spice to the colourful. Facuade. A label that cuts across all forms of menswear but with a soft spot for shirts.

I met with the designer for the label Facuade for a little chat one hot, smouldering afternoon in the metropolitan city of Lagos.

I discovered that Facuade has thrived through the sheer tenacity of a man willing to succeed no matter what. From selling shirts from the boot of his car to what he calls ‘Guerilla marketing’, Facuade has become a household name in the city of Lagos. The label now caters to several Nigerian celebrities,  CEO’s, and socialites.

As I don’t intend for this to be an interview-y, dialogue-y piece, I’ll try to capture a few words the designer said.

“Facuade was born in 2001…I made up my mind not to wear what the other grooms-men wore, so I made my own…”

“Facude caters to clients in need of bespoke tailored clothing and ready to wear…”

“Facuade is beyond fashion, it’s about people  and satisfying their needs…”

You can visit the designer’s site here or find them at 33, Bank Olemoh Crescent, Off Akerele Street, Surulere, Lagos.

The post A Day With FACUADE appeared first on misterspruce.co.uk.