Click here to know what happened previously on Chronicles of the Cannon 
Scene 1, Scene 2, Scene 3, scene 4,
So for 3 days the Duke and his wounded, recovering soldiers prepared. The battle plan was to spring a surprise attack on the Scavengers of Tottenham from St Francis’ Lodge and Park Lane. The Duke believed this would allow the scavengers no time to recover and therefore force them to relinquish their hold on Lockwood moat.
Since this was a complete attacking plan, the convalescent foot soldiers were put just behind the cavalry and not protecting the route to the palace Emiratia and Ashburtonshire.
And the knights and noblemen of Arsenalia did pounce upon the scavengers of Tottenham with great venom! Lords Giroud, Walcott and Santi did attempt to slay a great number.
But as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours…
Duke Wenger: Foot soldiers, attack! Push higher up!
Lord Mert: But my Duke, that leaves wounded Lord Szczesney open to attack, no one to give him cover and…
Scavenger Bale: Hiaaaaaa! Take that!
And the scavenger shot an arrow into the hand of poor Lord Szczesny.
Lord Mert: Duke! See!?
Duke Wenger I’ve been a warrior for thirty years Lord Mert, do as I say! Move up the battle line at once!
Lord Mert: But…
Scavenger Lennon: Hiaaaaaa!!!! A blow to the ankle you bleeding Polish scum!!!
-Aside- Poor, poor, Szczesny
Indeed it was a foolish thing to do but Lord Mert was bound to obey orders; and yes he did slay a few but the carnage upon the knights and noblemen was too much to bear. And the scavengers chased the knights and the Duke all the way to the Great Cambridge road.
And scavengers had banana splits for their victory lunch…okay, one certain scavenger *wink*
__________________________________
Meanwhile faraway in the North-East, the evil Sorcerer Ferguman had sent henchman Roo into the camp of the princes of Madrid who had come to steal one part of the Chalice Louise (remember, one part had been stolen by the Kaisers of Bayern when they plundered Emiratia). He was to commit the dastardly act of jinxing the hair gel of one of the princes of Madrid- Ronaldo.
But Roo being Roo, well, err… he kinda did his thing mixing up instructions and this had a lot to do with the hair he stole from Rapunzel; yes, that one he had glued to his wee, massive head.
And so the battle began, that is, with evil Fergy thinking everything was right according to plan…
High Prince Jose: What is this great evil I see? Ramos? Why do you chop down your brethren with a head-butt, como?
Prince Sergio: I have no idea High Prince, my head goes in a different direction against my will.
Sorcerer Fergy: (thinking)*Evil Grin* hehehe… but wasn’t it to be prince Ronaldo not being able to score… oh well! Little mercies.
No long after he relaxed, henchman Nani was shot with a poisoned dart, by a Turk who observed the battle from atop a hill nearby (how this happened, ask me not)
Socerer Fergy: (Red in the face) Hoo can thes be!!! (How can this be?)
The princes of Madrid seeing that the wing cavalry of the Henchmen of Old Trafford had been taken to the infirmary took advantage of this new weakness.
And prince Ronaldo and Luka slew barrels lot of henchmen and made away finally with the piece of the Chalice Louisa in the sorcerer’s grip. Away to Madrid they went, their mission was accomplished.
Sorcerer Fergy, red, livid and ready to explode…
Sorcerer Fergy: Roooo! Whit in th’ jobby happened it thaur. (What in the shit happened out there?) Whaaaat!!?
Judas-is-van Persie as was his style heard the voice of the little boy inside him…
Judas-is-van Persie: Ah, let me! let me! I sees Roo in the dressing room with the jinx goo, but the missus Coleen is a-stop him for a little smooch and Roo gets most of it on Nani’s boots. He then asks the missus for some of ‘er face lotion to make it up. True isn’t it , Roo, true?
The horror on Sorcerer Fergy’s face…
And so it was in Britannia, the four great powers that emerged out of the rebellion caused by the spell of upheaval cast upon Britannia under the evil Sorcerer Ferguman; all fought for the right to rule this great Island and all wanted to obliterate the Kingdom of Arsenalia as she was the only thing that stood in their way.
Want to know what happened next? Watch this space…
If you liked this satire, please share, like, leave a comment and the other random stuff. 
Copyright© 2013 Mister Spruce
