Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad – Prometheus
And so go-eth the saying. Van Puss’ cup overflow-eth.
It all began with the fall of the kingdom of Old Traffordshire under the reign of Moisty Moyes. There was great anarchy within the walls of the red devils and Moisty Moyes was rightly overwhelmed…
Enter Henchman Neville de Garry.
Henchman Neville: Your most clueless Moistness, I have-th grave news.
Mosity Moyes: What now?
Henchman Neville: Roo the poo take-th it upon himself to add more shrubbery to his scalp, so he hath take-th a compulsory leave.
Moisty Moyes: Oh dear, oh dear…
Enter Henchman Randy le Giggs.
Henchman Giggs: Sir Moisty, pandemonium break-eth out at the coffers of the kingdom!
Moisty Moyes: Huh?! Not now?!
Henchman Giggs: The people of the new world want their gold back! They have-th no faith in thy rule!
Moisty Moyes: No! no! This cannot be!
Enter Henchman Kagawa
Henchman Kagawa: Van Puss thigh-leg is plenty injure. This what happen when Kagawa no play.
Moisty Moyes: *faints*
(If you don’t see the video, watch it here)
*See Kagawa in the glasses?* 😀
Meanwhile, in the kingdom of Arsenalia, the knights had regained their strength. They had laid waste many a kingdom – The Hamsters of West Ham, The Noobs of Newcastle and the Carcasses of Cardiff.
However, the knights struggled for supremacy with the Fishmongers of Chelsea led by ‘The One’, The Mancunian Mercenaries led by the gold-laden Sheiks of Persia and occasionally, the Scousers of Liver-puke led by Brendan the Barbarian.
They were hard pressed on every side.
Duke Wenger: Knights! The Fishmongers, Mancunians and Scousers are hot on our tail. We need to conquer the Villains of Aston Villa in order to gain more ground and expand our territory.
Remember what the Villains did unto us at the start of our campaign? Let that not happen again. We travel to Birminghamia to win, to conquer, to grind to dust!
Knights of Arsenalia: Ahoooo!!!
And so the knights travelled to Birminghamia to face the Villains of Aston Villa; and conquer they did.
Lord Nacho: ¡Sí! Señor Wilshere! Captura de esta espada y golpear al enemigo! [ Yes! Lord Wilshere! Catch this sword and strike the enemy! ]
Lord Wilshere: Whatever you say Macho Nacho! Hiaaa!!! Lord Giroud! Take this sword still and strike!
Lord Giroud: Oui! With all pleasure! Err… is my luxurious hair still in place?
And so, the knights and their Duke triumphed over the Villains. And with these words engraved upon the ruins of the Villain territory, the knights started their journey back home…
This a’int the Gunners ye faced at the start of yer season. These knights are on steroids.
And while Van Puss slept, with his legs in casts…
He saw himself running but he knew not what chase-th him. He ran as fast as he could and suddenly, his legs could carry him no longer.
And the ‘thing’ came closer.
He tried to scream but nothing came forth. All of a sudden, he was at the edge of a cliff; Van Puss could smell the ‘thing’ coming.
Then with all his might, he jumped off the cliff down to treacherous waves below and the only thing he heard himself scream was:
Van Puss: My Duke! Wenger! Save meee…!!!
And then he was up with a start. Drenched in sweat. It was only a dream.
Still, Robin Van Puss knew in his heart that this was the beginning of the end. The gods had cast the dice.