O teach me in the trying hour,
When anguish swells the dewy tear,
To still my sorrows, own thy pow’r,
Thy goodness love, thy justice fear…
After the vanquishment of the Cumbrians, the Duke reached a truce with the Evertonians agreeing not to do battle with them until a certain time.
Upon the return of the Duke and his knights to the Palace Emiratia…
Count Bouldie: My duke, the king wish-eth to have-th a word with thee
Duke Wenger: Wilst thou not allow-est me and mine men to rest a little while before thou hound-est us with labour?
Count Bouldie: It is not I who send-est for thee, rather, it is His Royal Crispiness, king Chips who has need of your presence.
Duke Wenger enters into King Chips’ chambers…
King Chips: Ah! There he is, the Duke of Ashburtonshire…
Duke Wenger: Yes, my king, I hear-eth that ye call-eth for me.
King Chips: Ahem… yea, I did. This night, thee and thy knights shall set sail to Naples. I need-eth us to vanquish them once and for all.
Duke Wenger: But..but, Sire, I and thy soldiers only just arrive-th from Cumbria (Cardiff), even with a scuffle -turned-truce with the Evertonians on our journey back, the men are…
King Chips: Does thou question my need to crush any opposition or threat to the Kingdom of Arsenalia?!
Duke Wenger: No, my King, no…but
King Chips: Then you set sail for Naples today.
The Duke returned to his knights…
Duke Wenger: The king say-eth that we head to Naples to put an end to the Neapolitans once and for all.
Lord Wilshere: A’int it a Cock Linnet ago we came from Cumbria?
Lord Giroud: My feet can barely carry my huge handsomeness Duke…
Duke Wenger: The king has need of us, ask no questions.
Meanwhile, the Portuguese Prince readied his men to meet Brendan the Barbarian and his men…
Villas of Boas: I hear-eth the man Porridge…
Adviser: Sturridge you mean?
Villas of Boas: Whatever. I hear-eth he’s got pile, an inability to ‘goes’ to the loo me-thinks.
Adviser: ha ha! They have-th the Uruguayan cannibal still…
Villas of Boas: And I have-th Paulinho and Soldado, scavengers like no other! ha! Let them eat that!
Adviser: Err…my prince, do you hear what I hear?
Villas of Boas: Huh?
They hear the voice of Brendan the Barbarian from afar…
Brendan the Barbarian: Clean out de scum! Grind dem ter dust! And, release de cannibal!!!
And what a slaughter it was! I could smell the burning of human flesh from my tower at the clock-end. The cannibal left blood and bones in its wake…
Counting their dead…
Aaron Townsend to Defoe: We’re bleedin’ sh*t, innit?
The Neapolitans got wind of the impending attack of the Arsenalian army and lo, the Neapolitan army laid in wait for the Duke and his knights at the dock, hidden in the shrubbery. And as the Arsenalian army were about to dock…
Neapolitan Higauin: Fire!!!
And the Duke and his knights had their vessels bombarded with fire and rocks. The knights tried to fight back from their war ships, but they had no fire power. They cannons hadn’t enough gun powder and the knights had no choice but to retreat. Defeat.
Lord Santi: Tired, is me.
Lord Gibbs: Thou fail-est in thy grammar Santi. It is to be – I am weary or I feel-eth faint.
Lord Ramsey: Let the man alone Gibbs, we’re all weary.
It was then that they sighted the Bishop’s homing pigeon flying towards their ship…
Duke Wenger: What now?
Lord Wilshere took delivery of the letter and read:
Duke of Ashburtonshire,
I trust that ye have vanquished the Neapolitans. Word reaches the palace that Lord Walcott’s wife is with child, the stork came by, lol. Anyways, I need-eth that ye dock not at the Thames, but move-th thyself and thy men to the kingdom of the Mancunians, the mercenaries ruled by the Sheiks of Persia, annihilate them and bring to me their tributes; they have-th more gold than they know-eth what to do with.
PS: They have-th a new Commander of the army, those Mancunians. After the Mobster Mancini escaped death by the gallows, they brought this man, Pellegrini. They say-eth he’s a cousin to Pinochet; be warned.
The anger was evident on the ship…
Lord Ozil: Arsenal not treat me well, need sleep!
Lord Artets: I still bleed-eth from the gun wounds of the Neapolitans, how shalt I fight?!
Lord Theodore: See, the king himslef say-eth my beloved is with child, shall I die before I see my first born?!
Lord Per: Knights of Arsenalia! We swore to protect the king and the noblemen of Arsenalia, and protect them we shall, to the death!
And the Duke and knights grudging set sail to Mancunia, battered, weary, and bleeding. Their journey took two sunrises.
They never stood a chance.
The Mercenaries of Mancunia laid in wait, the Argentine Aguero, the Spaniards Negredo, Silva and Navas, the Moor Toure and the host of the gold laden camels from Persia.
The defeat was so great and I, so filled with despair for our wounded bludgeoned knights, could not write the details of the battle. The knights managed to escape and on arrival, they all took refuge in the infirmary.
There was great sadness in all of Arsenalia, noblemen gathered in corners discussing the fate that had befallen the knights…
Baron Le-grove: Utter shambles!
Baron Arsenal Gent: I think-est not that a gentleman should use-th the word ‘Shambles’, shambolic is more like it.
Baron 1ND21U: I have-th no words
Son to Father: Papa? Are we ever gonna come out of this?
Baron ACLF: I hope so son, I really hope so
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Copyright© 2013 Mister Spruce