Thomas, awake! the drum and fife I hear;
Unusual sounds! my body quakes with fear!
What distant yells are those? A woman’s shriek!
‘Tis no recruiting party’s drunken freak.
Fly hence, and leave your mid-day’s cheering dose—
The sound of war is hostile to repose.
The battle against the Manchurian Mercenaries at the gates of the territory of the Kingdom of Arsenalia was bloody indeed!
The Mercenary Aguero sliced through our foot soldiers like a hot blade through milk cheese, but the knights of Arsenalia fought back with all their might. Lords Wilshere and Sanchez did strike twice, two deadly blows they did strike I tellz ya but the Argentine Mercenary, Demichelis did strike back. A deadly strike with his helmet he did strike.
And after the dust had settled and both kingdoms found themselves down 200 men on each side, they reasoned that none could prevail over the other, at least, for now. The Manchurian Mercenaries turned back, returning from whence they came.
Baron Le Grove: I am greatly grieved by the will shewed by Lord Ozil in recent battles. Hath the Duke Wenger not exalt-eth him exceedingly? Lest we fall to defeat in the coming battles, methinks the Duke should make chance for Lords Carzola and Oxlade.
Baron Arseblog: Hast thou not heard that a soldier of Lord’s Ozil’s stature come-th good without much ado? Patience my friend, patience; Lord Ozil need-eth not cause thee any fret.
And Baron Le-grove spake unto all on the street of Tollington, with a mug of Peroni in his hand…
Baron Le Grove: Yes! People of Arsenalia! Baron Arseblog tell-eth me to ‘Fret Not!’. Fret Not?! Why, I cower in fear at the state of our great kingdom! Our foot-soldiers lack a quick foot, the Duke lack-eth the tactical nous to face the likes of the Devils of Old-Traffordshire, The Fishmongers of Chelsea and the Liver-pukes from up North!
Barons 1ND2OneUp and NLIR: I think you should calm down matey, people are looking at you weird, ‘specially with that Peroni in yer hand.
And the arguments went back and forth and I could hear all from my window at the top of the Clock-End…(don’t ask me how.)
And it came to pass that the campaign for the capture of the Chalice Louis required the Duke Wenger and his knights to travel to Dortmund in Germania. They were to do battle with the Dortmundians, a brazen people led by Klop the Cylops.
Duke Wenger: Lord Arteta, round up your men, the very same men who face-th the Manchurians.
Lord Arteta: But, but, my Duke, Lords Debuchy and Chambers lie in the infirmary, how then can they fight?
Duke Wenger: Oh yes, that, alright then, recruit the squire Bellerin so that he might take Debuchy’s place.
Lord Arteta: My Duke, methinks thou should-est rotate thy army, remember the battle against the Manchurian Mercenaries was formidable and many cannot prevail with the strength left.
Duke Wenger: Put them in anyway.
Lord Arteta: But, Duke…
Duke Wenger: Lord General Arteta, dost thou now question my decisions?
Lord Arteta: No, my Duke, no.
Duke Wenger: Then do as I say. My plan will work. The knights are only little bit tired.
And so it was that the Duke and the knights sailed to Dortmund. Behold, the Arsenalian army took a great plundering. The foot soldiers where too weak to chase down the cavalry of the Dortmundians and Lords Welbeck and Sanchez failed to strike deadly blows in the barricade of the enemy.
Alas, all was lost and the Duke and his knights were chased back into their waiting ships…
Baron Le Grove: Didst I not tell thee, the Duke is completely clueless and thy Lord Ozil is complete shambles?
Baron Arseblog: Look dude, not now, okay? Let me mourn our loss.
Then they hear the town crier…
Town Crier: Noblemen men of Arsenalia, the Duke search-eth for able warriors to join his foot soldiers, as we are atrociously thin at the back. Young men, old men, washed out men, all are invited for a trial at the place Emiratia.
Baron Le Grove: Aye? I qualify for trial meself?
Baron Arseblog: What is this disorganized planning? Why didn’t we do this at the start of the campaign?
Baron Le Grove: What is this I hear? A disgruntled someone?
Baron Arseblog: And we face the Villains of Aston Villa…
Baron Le grove: *sarcastically* We do?
Baron Arseblog: Oh come of it you truant!
Baron Le Grove: soberly…oh dear, we travel to face the Villains tomorrow…