Now the word of the king came unto me Monsieur Spruce the Chancellor Order of the Cannon. I hear-eth that the Duke had yet to place his seal on the royal scroll to commemorate his ascension to the Dukedom of Ashburtonshire.
The atmosphere in the kingdom is grave. There is great tension.
Why, thou ask-eth?
Well, if the Duke place-th not his seal upon the scroll given him by his royal crispiness (King Chips), all of Arsenalia shall be plundered by the new evil! It was the Duke’s knowledge of offensive warfare that saved the kingdom from falling at the hands of the Sorcerer Ferguman. Now, a more dreadful evil had arisen just West of London and Arsenalia need-eth the Duke now more than ever.
So, I spake unto the sea of bishops led by Ivan the Terrible and at their counsel, a certain prince named Kronke decided to step in.
Meanwhile, high up at the Clock End in the place Emiratia…
Duke Wenger: I think-eth it time for esquire Gnabry to be knighted, what doth thou think-eth? Count Bouldie? Lord Per?
Count Bouldie: Ye, the lad hath come-th of age, it is something worth considering.
Lord Per: I doth believe-th he be a good replacement in the cavalry for Lord Theo who lie-th in the infirmary. Serge Gnabry doth have-th speed, he is quick on his feet.
Duke Wenger: Call me the lad…
And so it was, esquire Gnabry became Lord Gnabry, knight of the order of the round table of Arsenalia.
Esquire Afobe: Quick! Put on thy armour and take up thy shields! The Fumblers of Fulham are headed this way!
Duke Wenger: Lord Per! Ready the men!
Lord Per: Yes my Duke.
And so, the knights went out against the Fumblers of Fulham at the Plains of Finsbury where they pitched.
Lord Rosicky: My Duke! Let me fight alongside thee and my fellow knights.
Duke Wenger: Thou ‘shall’nt’! I am protective of thy delicate nostrils and would not want thee to adorn a Bane costume going forward if the unsavoury happens.
Lord Rosicky: Huh? Bane costume?
Duke Wenger: Ha! Didst thou miss the play ‘The Dark Knight Riseth’? Splendid performance; those travelling actors. You should watch it sometime.
And the knights of Arsenalia put themselves in array against Fulham, and when they joined battle, Fulham were smitten before the kinghts; and Lord Carzola de Santi slew a great portion of the army in the field about two thousand men.
One tiny man, two thousand bludgeoned bodies.
Meanwhile, in an old, old castle in West London, evil brewed…
The One had come back to Britannia with the intent on causing unrivalled chaos; his foes were new.
And he did.
Only that he underestimated his old enemy – The Duke of Ashburtonshire. He was the only familiar face amongst his foes; and then there was the issue of the Sheiks from Persia with their gold laden camels. He never saw that coming; he had to restrategize.
The Tsar of Russia: Thou hast left the matter of Mata for too long. He should be sold into slavery. To the Spaniards of Atletico? The kingdom of Arsenalia perhaps? I hear the Duke can bolster our ebbing coffers with his gold.
The One: The kingdom of Arsenalia? Never! The old Duke shall treat him like a human being.
The Tsar of Russia: And is the Spaniard Mata not?
The One: I consider him lesser my Tsar.
The Tsar of Russia: Very well. And who might thou have in mind to sell the Mata to?
The One: I hath received an offer from Moisty Moyes, the clueless buffoon in charge of the kingdom of Old Traffordshire. I intend to bolster our chances at securing the Chalice Lois and the control of Britannia; selling him to that old willy Duke would greatly diminish our tactics in warfare.
The Tsar of Russia: I see thou art intent on ruining the last shred of self-worth in this, you say, less-than-human Mata?
The One: Rightly so my Tsar, rightly so.